Relaxing Weekend...

This weekend was the first time I felt like no one was waiting on my call or counting on me to show up somewhere on a planned schedule.

What a breath of fresh air! However, my throat is sore which means I really did let my guard down and relax cause I always get sick when I slow down.

I watched movies I had never seen and a good classic- Dirty Dancing. I would classify this past weekend as one of the best of the year. Chilling, catching up on movies. getting a few things crossed off the list, cooking with Josh, and just enjoying being me.

I am excited about this new chapter. I actually felt like a project manager at my job today that new what she was doing today. It was pretty amazing. I can't wait as this unfolds what is going to happen next!

Until then, I will be singing... "Now I, had the time of my life... and I owe it all to you!"

New thoughts and a growing person...

Never in my life would I have ever thought I would ...

One: be living in California.

Two: ever play the guitar at church.

Three: be working in research.

Four: been a nanny for a year.

Five: finally being honest with myself and achieving what I know to be right.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I express my thoughts and feelings to others, and as I can tell- I really suck at it. Being honest with myself is a new profound concept that has not been easy to come by. I feel as though I am growing up and reaching new levels in my life; this feeling is new because before I thought I already knew who I was and what I wanted. These are levels I truly have wanted to seek and if they aren't then figuring out how to move forward letting go of old "goals" set jointly by others and myself and truly seeking the ones that matter to me. Emphasizing the word me is something I would have never thought I would ever do. I guess I should add that on my list as number six. I always put everyone else first. Not only in their needs but took their opinions about what I should do about my life before my own. Looking back, I am not sure I would have done my life the way I did. Not to say that I have regrets about my past, but I might have actually enjoyed the journey more than just skipping through the fun part.

I believe that every person has a journey. It is the choices that they make that creates the story. I am choosing not to write a fiction novel any more and coming to terms with the fact that I would rather have a documentary/reality t.v. show I actually enjoy watching than a fiction novel I am letting others write and collaborate for the ending.

So as a new start to my new chapter of reality, I will be blogging more often; because if I am honest with myself, I love doing it. :)

How he loves us...

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all

He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way

And oh, how He loves us oh

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.

The week God planned...

It was an incredible journey traveling with 40 other people and 37 of the being high schoolers who didn't know what they were about to get themselves into. A lot of crying and changing to a humble heart was in store for all of us. I can't believe how fast that week went by and really I can't believe we have been back for almost two weeks. My heart still melts when I think about that place.

I cannot thank the people who sent support and prayed for us on the trip how much I appreciate their love. It was an incredible trip that I will NEVER forget. God has truly wraped His arms around me in my season of life and it is very difficult when waiting is apart of the journey. However if it wasn't for the wait, getting what He makes me wait for wouldn't be so exciting.

Biggest night of the week for me was actually the last night. Encompassing because of the events leading up that made that night so special. The night we went to the "cell group" or Bible study with the people of the church, we were invited into their home, sang with them, prayed with them and read scripture together. Even though it was in another language it was the most beautiful and humbling experience, I have ever had. The house we were in was lo larger that a 9 by 12 room made up of cement blocks. It had two beds and a door, that was about it. We sang How Great Thou Art because we knew it in English and they could sing it in spanish at the same time. We prayed over a lady who had been very ill for weeks and weeks. When I say we prayed over, it is not the "baptist" lets pray together and we all wait our turn to pray... NO. We all prayed at the same time for about 15 to 20 mins. Hands raising, songs sang, names of God crying out in this little house. It was amazing.

Getting back to why that last night was my favorite. We went to the church for our last service and the family whose house we stayed at were there... so was the lady who had been sick. She was healed! It was incredible. The hug we got from her and her family- the tightness and thankfulness for our prayers was incredible. That is one story, I will never forget.

There is something about the place in my life right now that makes this super sweet. My eyes are being opened to the world, and God is using the people around me to do so. It is incredible to think of how mad or sad I can get and how easily I can get that way. I have never before seen so many kids excited to learn the English language or play with a jump rope or a balloon for hours and be so excited. However, I do believe my favorite Christmas gift ever was my yoyo. Which is entirely different story.

My life is not meant to be stagnant or confind by borders or states. My home is where my heart is and part of my heart was deffinitely left in Guatemala.

Guatemala

The Itinerary! Just thought you guys would want to pray this week, daily on what we are doing.

Itinerary for Guatemala Trip, June 18 - June 25, 2011

June 18:

Meet at Church at 7:00 pm

Check in for flight at SFO

Flight departs 12:20 am

June 19:

Arrive in Guatemala City at 10:20

Take bus to Santa Apolonia

Arrive in Santa Apolonia 2:00

Divide Team into two

Red and Green Teams stay in Santa Apolonia and participate in Church

Service

Black and Blue Teams go to Cojulia to run child care during a Marriage

Seminar

June 20 -24 (daily schedule)

7:00

wake up

7:45

breakfast

8:45

head out to sites

9:00

construction in Santa Apolonia and Cojulia

12:00

lunch

1:30

Red and Green Teams teach English in Santa Apolonia

Black and Blue Teams teach English in Cojulia

4:00

Back together for clean up / showers / free time

5:30

Dinner

7:00

Group Meeting / Church Service / Fun Activity

10:00

Bed Time

June 25

7:30

wake up and pack up

8:30

breakfast

10:00

head to the airport

2:00

flight home

11:00

arrive at SFO and done!

June 26

12:30

thank you lunch and celebration, each student will get to share about trip

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! I hope to update the week when I get back pictures and thoughts of every day... maybe even some videos. :) YAY!

Sending Californians (and a Texan) to Guatemala!

Dearest loved ones and family,

Within the past year of my life, God has truly blessed me in my journey with Him as I walked on water to the county of Marin in California. It has been one of the first times in my life where I truly understand that being a missionary does not mean going to a third world country and ministering to unreached people- when I am living in the top 5% of unreached counties in the United States.

Within this journey to the West Coast, I have had the opportunity to minister to college students and build relationships by loving on kids in the church who have not been surrounded by southern hospitality and family love as I was blessed with growing up; thanks to all of you.

As my contract with my job as a nanny is ending in the next couple of weeks, my life has taken a toll of questions to where God has been leading me. My journey is on the path to stay here in Marin and continue to minister to these students. In accepting and believing by faith that God has everything under control, I have an opportunity to bond with the high school students on a mission trip to Guatemala during the week of June 18-25. I am truly blessed and honored to be a leader and prayer warrior for this trip.

Living day to day in a county that is so lost, the quesiton arises on why do missions else where? Going to a third world country can change a persons view on the day to day living. Make them believe in the impossible is possible and those little daily things that make such a difference in the world. This is my first adventure to a third world country. I am encouraged that so many people are wanting to take part in this adventure and I am excited to see what God does in my life and the people we get to meet.

I just finished reading a book called, Radical, written by David Platt. This whole book is a challenge to take up your cross and live each day for the glory of Christ. This journey is allowing myself and the 42 other people on this trip to take the challenge and to learn to do it on a daily basis.

As I am working fundraisers and selling photo cards I have made, to help fund this trip, I am still in need to reach the remainder of the cost. I am asking that you would prayerfully consider helping this group and myself with a financial donation. The cost per person is roughly $1400. I truly believe that going on a trip like this can change your life, and the lives around you. These students willing hearts and the people we will touch while we are there are priceless adventures that will be with me always.

Honor and love

On Sunday night, the discussion at our college group was about Honor and love. The differences the similarities. But before I tell you what we said, what do you think?

Honor vs Love.

realization of life... or fairy-tale-ization.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

Meredith on Grey's Anatomy states this on the T.V. show, and actually I feel like she was talking to me. Sadly I didn't see this episode, yet I ran across this quote online and then researched the show so I could actually see what she was talking about in context.

I definitely have days that I believe in no fairy tales at all and then others in which all I wish and hope are that my fairy tales come true. Not necessarily the ones that I tell Luke & Cole, which are usually about sharks and giants or have Batman fighting off giant dogs or camping with superheroes. Although those might be fun if they came true, but I am talking about the hopeless romantic of finding prince charming, or the perfect job if there is such a thing, having kids of my own, traveling the world, being financially set for life... you know the little things.

I have come to realize that I am living my own fairy tale. Maybe not one that would make a great movie, but one that makes other lives seem boring. For instance, I have graduated from a 4-year university with no debt, I am living in California and have so many options of what to do next that it is troubling to know which door to walk through. Who can say that?? I maybe singing the song of waiting. However, my fairy tales are coming true right under my nose and I am too worried about what other people think stop and realize how blessed I really am. I have a loving family who just want the best for me, a wonderful church family who pray for me daily and best friends who may be thousands of miles away- but make every day brighter just by their love.

Chesterton said it best when he stated,

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."